I don't know about you...
But I am only halfway feeling 22.
2021, WHAT a year. I thought 2021 would be a breeze to an extent after being in TN for 2 years, and let me tell you...it was nothing close to a breeze. I'll spare you the details, but read this blog post if you're needing the breakdown again. I know for many the last year has been a whirlwind. & for me personally it felt like a rollercoaster that I'd skip at Disney anyday. Now that isn't to say that I didn't accomplish anything, nor that it was a total sh*tshow for lack of better words.
Accomplishments in 2021:
Maxed my IRA for the 2nd year in a row. (ADULTING WOO)
Hit over $10k in my savings...like LEGIT savings.
Lived alone in the most expensive apartment I'd ever had (PS TX still is cheaper).
Featured in 2 online articles.
Fun 30th birthday boudoir shoot.
Traveled almost every month, multiple times a month.
10 new states, 10 national parks or more, found a love for hiking.
Said NO more often, defined boundaries, grew spiritually.
Met a few amazing people on that journey. (Bri, Julie, Taylor if you're reading I adore you!)
Kept up with yearly appointments...(ADULTING AGAIN WOO)
On the outside, all these accolades would showcase an amazing year. I mean I didn't buy a house or anything, but like hey I'm making it right? Living alone in an expensive city, travel, and lots of hiking pegs the success image real quick. For 30, it would seem like I had it all. I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T (Kudos if you sang the song). Oh and this was the longest I had stayed in a place in who knows how long. See the funny thing though about accomplishments when you're a driven person is that there never is an off switch. Sure I was checking off boxes that is an obvious one, and I was proud 100%. I had a raise, paid my bills, had awesome experiences all things anyone would want bragging rights on. I wasn't "struggling" on the outside but the inside was a totally different scenario. TBH the word struggling doesn't even come close to what I was feeling/what was really going on.
2021 downfalls:
Felt unfulfilled
Burned every end of the stick
Isolated or empty feeling almost daily
These three statements took me over the edge. Nothing felt "enough", nothing felt "successful". In fact, I'd been asked plenty of times when I'd feel okay. What was I searching for? Why couldn't I just be happy. Truthfully, that answer never became clear. & the worst part is that no one really knows how much I was doing to show that I was "making it". Essentially, I did anything I could to prove I could. Work non stop, tutor, train, go-go-go should have been my theme word. Frankly, chasing more probably came from not knowing A) true goals/wants and B) always feeling like I needed to check off another box. Little pro tip: DO NOT RECOMMEND. I accomplished more than I EVER had personally and financially this last year, and it sucked the most. I ended the year leaving my job, debating why I moved to TN vs. staying in TX, and questioning what next. & it also was the greatest blessing of a wall to hit. (I swear there is a light in the darkness).
Seeing how that crushed me, I am sharing this because what I learned I know someone can grow from. Chasing always chasing and never enjoy the wins will always create a need for more. It isn't about all the money, trips, ability to climb a ladder of success. (Which WHO deemed what that ladder is!?) Doing the things that look good to everyone else, and leave you empty on the inside isn't a win...that's misery. & OH misery does love company. (Double bonus if you know that song reference).
In 2022 there are two big words for me:
SLOW DOWN
BRAVERY
Bravery in choosing differently, bravery in saying I don't have to do it all, and slowing down to say it is okay to be satisfied. It is okay to not chase something new every single moment. I learned that more money really does at times mean more problems. & the flip side to point out is that it is OKAY to have financial career goals. Heck, I'd be lying if I said I didn't have bigger goals still. BUT there has to be a why. If you don't have a clear WHY in anything, nothing will ever feel good enough. & that right there will leave you to struggle regardless of what accomplishments you have obtained. To those on a similar path, I see you. There were (are) dark days on this journey of self exploration. & for 2022 as I honor those words, I plan to go deeper on what is my why. What is the driving force to the desires I have. This year will be the year of healing, and reflection. This year will be the year I lead with my heart, less logic, and more of a lens shift. If you felt like 2021 was rocky, then I ask that you reflect on what happened. Celebrate your wins, but see how perhaps your lens has shifted on actual needs/desires. Life isn't meant to be a constant struggle I promise.
-Taryn
@taryn_annette IG
Email: Taryn.shaffer@yahoo.com
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