Oh California how I thought I'd hate you. My dear, you however are vast in beauty.
I cannot tell you why I wanted to visit California. Truthfully, I cannot tell you why I want to do many of the things I want to do right now. In fact, saying I wanted to go to Cali is the last thing one could expect given that I am not a fan of beaches or water. Yet there I was with dreams of the coast, hearing the waves, seeing the piers, and all I could imagine was myself running on the beach soaking it all in. For months it was all I could think about, and I had no idea where I even wanted to go if I landed in the state. Actually, that is a bit of a false statement due to social media. I knew one thing, I wanted to go to Newport Beach. I wanted to feel the warmth of the sun, be outside, catch a sunset, and lord help me I wanted it bad.
It's funny how we have these ideas or notions of who we are and our desires. It's also funny how when those notions or desires change or go off course we question anything and everything about who we are. Or at least that was my case. I felt like a fraud (as silly as that sounds). My whole life I swore off California. Why would I want to go? It is expensive, showy, quite the crowd of people, and oh yeah full of beaches/water. But I couldn't push back this inkling anymore, my heart knew I needed to go and that change was unexpected. Next thing I knew my flight was booked to San Diego and off I went! No full plan except to see Newport. Anything else that happened was bonus to me at that point.
What happened next really threw me for a curve, in the midst of this change of heart for not wanting to even visit the state I found myself not wanting to leave. The woman who swore off the coast now sitting on the cliffs was frantically checking Southwest to see if the two day trip could be extending (which thank gosh I didn't due to a wreck that happened). To say I was confused and conflicted though would be sugarcoating it. Why did this place feel so...good? Why did this place feel so...calming? & why was this change happening right now? I spent those two days full of so much joy. My first day was filled with hiking, Dana Point, Newport, Huntington, and then the BEST ahi tuna steak right on the beach during sunset. I saw surfers, chased sunsets in the sand with my camera, made friends with a seagull, and felt as though this wave of cleansing had washed upon me. Those first 24 hours were everything to me, even if I was exhausted. An environment I swore I'd never be part of checked off every box inside and out. Which made me realize, environment is key. Sometimes change is necessary due to the environment no longer serving us. Whether we know the exact reason why, trust that there is a reason you are drawn to something different despite all the assumptions you had before.
My second day was spent on the opposite extreme, up in the mountains. This one I knew was for me 100%. I ventured to Big Bear Lake and I encountered my second rattlesnake sighting. PS do not recommend, for someone who has never seen a rattlesnake to now make friends 2x in one month is plenty for me lol. The 1.5 mile hike was breathtaking, and it hit me how vast change can be. It hit me how freeing change can be. 24 hours before I was engulfed in waves, sand, and piers yet now I was back to my roots of mountainous landscapes. A home away from home I'd like to say. Either way another shock that I was not expecting. Never would I have imagined that California would hold both levels of beauty. I spent that night out in Running Springs for another Getaway House adventure. & the stars, quietness, and overlooks were everything and then some. Also if you haven't heard about my Getaway House stays you can read them here.
So why am I sharing my little two day excursion and wtf does this have to do with being open to change? I am sharing because in these two days I learned how much we can miss out on if we shut ourselves off from the pivots. However, there is also the beauty in knowing we are ABLE to pivot. Like the saying goes, "You aren't stuck, you are not a tree". We are able to uproot and move on the drop of a hat. I learned how much we can miss out on if we shut ourselves off from the nudges that come within even if it goes against all the things we believed at one point. Had I ignored my new desire to explore the West coast, I would have never understood how much beauty is out there. I would have never been able to add another layer of trust within myself on just going with it. & in that too saying I tried it, and if it wasn't for me then move on and up. Had I not embraced the change, I would have never realized how my judgements on things I'd "seen" altered my reality. There were no expectations on this trip, but it did still hold a bit of a bias. Change is hard, change is scary, and change can be challenging. BUT in change we can grow, learn, and mold life. At the same time you have to be open to the change, and let go of the outcome. Dropping the outcomes or needing to know the outcomes I find to be the hardest part in stepping into change. We are wired to want to know how it'll play out, we are wired to have that control. Imagine what it would be like to let that go? I went on this trip with no pressure of needing to love it, I went in open minded to what could happen. If I didn't love it great, I was only staying two days and life would go on. But what if I did (which I did) love it? What if I stayed open to the idea that perhaps I do like the coasts more than I thought but the environment had always been off. What if I was now being more dialed in on my next chapter? Don't be afraid to try new things, be afraid of not living to your fullest potential. Don't be afraid of the change, be afraid of never leaning into something on your heart and wondering what if. Don't shut off the idea of a new passion, hobby, career, or whatever lights you up just because it is nothing you "envisioned" for yourself before. & as you grow don't be afraid to let go of things that no longer serve you to make space for those things that are fitting right now.
In those two days California stole a piece of my heart, and filled it with a new sense of happiness. It also made me realize that it's not (nor has it ever been) about fitting in but rather finding my fit. You aren't meant to fit in, and you are allowed to change your mind as you go.
-Taryn
Email: Taryn.shaffer@yahoo.com
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